Updated: Mar 21, 2022
An Open Letter to Salad
Why do you feel the need to permeate every restaurant meal? Why do you wait beside my steaks when you know I’ll never eat you? Why do you come in a bag with my curry? Why do you have to swim in my sweet and sour when I would’ve preferred more chicken instead?
Let me be clear Salad: you are not the centre of the universe. If I wanted you I would ask for you. I don’t know why you feel the need to impose yourself on me and my terrible eating habits. I know I should eat more healthily but until you make bacon-flavoured cabbages, I’m just not that interested in what you have to offer.
Except for peppers, you’re quite nice. And potatoes and onions obviously, that goes without saying. And maybe the occasional bit of spinach. Do chillies count as vegetables...? Actually come to think of it tomatoes are pretty nice as well. When their sweetness cuts through the savouriness in a dish it’s amazing.
A man with high blood pressure.