Essays from the Crypt: Downing Street Cat has Most Stable Job in Politics


(Originally published July, 2016)

Downing Street Cat Has Most Stable Job in Politics


Larry, or ‘a cat’ as he is commonly known, is considered by Whitehall elite to have the most stable job in politics, after he was one of few public figures to retain their position following a spate of high-profile resignations in recent weeks. In a statement earlier this week, Larry was quoted as saying ‘meow’.

Larry, the self-styled ‘Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office’, has weathered the post-Brexit storm with impunity, outlasting many senior figures of British politics, including the resignation of his close friend David Cameron, whom critics have observed to have had Larry literally eating out of his hand at various points of his governance.

Larry has also outlasted professional resigner Nigel Farage, who recently stepped down as Party Leader after a surprise victory for the Leave campaign. Nigel Farage, who replaced Nigel Farage as UKIP Leader in 2010, is widely tipped to replace Nigel Farage as Party Leader.

Chief Mouser Larry has often been praised by the establishment for his nonchalance regarding political parties and national crises, maintaining a :3 face throughout. Larry’s disassociation from the political scene is only rivalled by Tim Farron, who has generally felt a bit left out, and is currently ranked #3 in Most Forgettable Politicians behind that other guy and the one with the glasses.

Larry’s career follows on from a brief stint in Rehab for substance abuse at the Battersea Cats and Dogs Home, from which he left in 2011, and has been a campaigner for stricter catnip control ever since. He follows in the footsteps of other Chief Mousers, including Humphrey (a vocal critic of the Falklands War during Thatcher’s premiership), and the Munich Mouser, so-called for her contributions to the Security Service in combatting fascism in 1940’s Europe.

The trial continues.

#2016 #Satire #Politics #Cat #EssaysFromtheCrypt

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