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Essays From the Crypt: Isengard Under Investigation for Environmental Issues

(Originally written July, 2016)

Isengard Under Investigation for Environmental Issues

Isengard is under investigation for alleged breaches of environmental agreements. The International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has sent a special envoy to the municipality to investigate claims of severe environmental damage, and to ascertain if there are grounds for concern.

The investigation was triggered after reports of mass deforestation of local woodland, the poisoning of local rivers, and breeding of orcs with goblin-men. Saruman, former chairman of the White Council, has fallen out of favour with the international community after a series of aggressive actions against former allies, and he is now a largely reclusive figure inside the hermit state.

‘Obviously any reports of this scale are to be taken seriously and we intend to conduct a full and thorough investigation into these claims,’ said Director General Inger Andersen. ‘Many of those trees were my friends, creatures I had known from nut and acorn. A wizard should know better. If any evidence is found to support these allegations, then we will of course organise a suitable response.’

Some political commentators speculate that this recent surge of negativity is a result of a new alliance between Isengard and Mordor, and the resultant influence that such a pairing would have is cause for concern among more stable states. Gondor has already called for aid, and the Seychelles have recalled their ambassador.

Mordor, led by the Dark Lord Sauron, has been under investigation before for human rights abuses and its hegemonic tendencies, epitomised by its annexation of Osgiliath in 2007. Sauron himself has had several charges brought against him in the past, including corruption and coercion, all of which were dropped after the public breakdown of all nine of the prosecutor’s lawyers.

Mordor currently has the second worse human rights record in the world, behind that of North Korea.

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