Yesterday’s grisly triple homicide of three flat mates in a Hong Kong apartment was described as a “horrific, unforeseeable tragedy” according to the one surviving member of the household. Chris Gruntled, who was discovered passive-aggressively washing other people’s dishes in the apartment, was interviewed in the hours after their discovery.
“I was in the bathroom, I’d just realized no one had restocked the toilet paper, when I heard shouts and screams from the living room. By the time I got out, all of them had been killed. It was a truly terrible sight. I’d just cleaned up the place too. I feel like a maid in my own home sometimes. It’s exhausting, frankly.”
He did not call the police himself, he suggests, because he just called the plumber last week and didn’t want the precedent to become him calling out for everything every time something happened. When asked why he was brandishing a kitchen knife covered in blood, Jake replied it was a coincidence, and he had “certainly not been stabbing anyone, for sure.”
At the scene, investigators were looking for possible motivations. They discovered an empty chore chart, an overflowing rubbish bin, and a muskiness that could only be described as “moist-adjacent”. There were several empty bottles of shampoo in the shower that no one had thought to remove as no one knew who they belonged to. The only part of the house even partly serviceable was Jake’s room. Inside, his manifesto provided no clues as to who could possibly want his flat mates dead.
“All we have recovered is a receipt for one kitchen knife, a list of bleach brands for removing blood stains, and a one-way ticket to Kosovo in the name of Chris Gruntled. It looks like it’s back to the drawing board on this.”
The three victims have been described as young, athletic, and lacking vital bodily functions. The investigation continues.
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