Palestinians to be Allowed to Return “After a Two Thousand year Waiting Period.”

Photo by Snowscat on Unsplash

In rare good news, Palestinians are allowed to return to their homes “after a two thousand year waiting period,” the Israeli government announced at a press briefing updating their plans for a post-war Gaza. 

“As we have stated before, we cannot allow any trace of Hamas to exist and repeat the horrific events of 7th September. In order to provide us the space to complete this, we will require the temporary evacuation of all Palestinians in the Gaza Strip and West Bank. Provisionally, the period before they can return should be no more than two thousand years.” 

Israel is providing support for those displaced by shooting at their heels, so they move faster.  

Many Palestinians met the news with excitement and relief, eager for any good news in the seemingly endless struggles between the two peoples.  Ahmad, 16, who was helping Israeli settlers to clumsily flatpack his home, was lighthearted at the development. 

“Finally, there is hope for me and my family,” he told us.  

“After 5 generations of animosity between us and the Israelis, I can finally look forward to a brighter future for my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandchildren."

Meanwhile, the Israeli military is still conducting operations inside Gaza. Just this morning, Israeli troops opened fire on a “suspicious” quadruple paraplegic. Surgery for her wounds are expected to cost an arm and a leg.