Consensus Needed for Zombie Outbreak, Warn Scientists


Consensus Needed for Zombie Outbreak, Warn Scientists


With the saturation of zombies in popular culture in recent years, some scientists have gone beyond simply absorbing the media and have planned ahead in case the dead do walk again.

With the popularity of such films and television as The Walking Dead, Day Z, and Shaun of the Dead, zombie-culture is as prevalent now as it has ever been. But some people have expressed interest in focusing on a code of ethics for unintentionally creating a virus or raising the dead.

'Think about it. Nobody wants 28 Days Later zombies. They’ll run after you forever and that’s the stuff of nightmares. If the government does have to end up creating a virus that spreads throughout humanity, we should at least be able to have a say in defining what kind of properties the resulting zombies/infected/disappointing Star Wars sequel has. Personally I think it should be the Warm Bodies zombies: at least they learn to love again. But then who doesn't love Nicholas Hoult?’

The comments come from Brian Hooper, founder of BRAIN, a think-tank that is campaigning for a consistent stance on the living dead. He, together with his team, have put together a definitive list of qualities which they hope will increase humanity’s survival chances in the event of a zombie Armageddon.

The list is as follows:

  1. The subject must already be dead. Avoid graveyards and showings of the new DC Universe movie.

  2. The subject must shuffle, or at most shamble. No running in the corridors.

  3. The subject must not be able to infect others, unless it’s with that funky rhythm.

  4. Starting immediately, all recently deceased should be made to wear a bulls-eye in the centre of their forehead for improved head-shots.

By limiting writers and politicians to these points, Hooper hopes to keep zombies more sympathetic than scientific, but his success remains to be seen. A reporter was sent to ask for comments from the zombie community, but has been placed on administrative leave after making several unsolicited advances towards members of staff.

#2018 #Satire

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