Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Co-Workers


Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Co-Workers


There she is, the Mistress of Human Resources, the Madame of the Corner Desk. She’s so office-hot. She’s probably the third best-looking girl on the whole floor. The way she stands by the coffee machine is as sultry as her slumped posture when she’s working late. It’s enough to drive a man to do something stupid, like ask her out.

No? You don’t think that’s a bad idea? Well go ahead, try it. But first, let me tell you a few things that might put things into perspective for you.

To simplify things, let's call her Melissa. So, let’s say you start dating Melissa. Things are going great! You love talking to her at work, you love seeing her at home, you love eating lunch with her, and you love carpooling with her. Wow, Melissa hangs around with you a lot, doesn’t she? It’s almost like you’ve ended up living the same life and have no time apart from each other either at work or at home. Suddenly you can’t relax at home, because she knows as well as you know those papers need to get done by Monday, so why are you playing games? But relationships born from convenience always last, right?

No, obviously. Why would you think they would? What’s wrong with you? Christ, it's like blood from a stone with you people sometimes.


Anyway, one day, you have a falling out. Maybe you burnt the dinner because you were daydreaming about if a flying crocodile with thumbs would be too powerful, and now Melissa’s taken it personally. You’re now in a position where your personal life is bleeding into your professional life. Wonderful, right? Now there’s no way to have an opinion about your colleagues, or an argument at home, without venting about it at the office, because there’s no privacy to your lives anymore. Next thing you know, your boss is calling you into their office to give you tips on how to cook a risotto, and the guy working behind you is giving you top tips for the bedroom. Fuck you Paul, that’s none of your bloody business, you might say. But it’s too late. You're everybody’s business now.

After that, like a flan in a cupboard, the whole thing starts to deflate. There’s no time away from each other. Work frustration becomes home frustration, and unless you two are into angry sex no one’s going to have a happy ending tonight. You might notice she gets invited out by co-workers who didn’t invite you, or vice versa. Someone might start to wonder why the other person is getting all the raises and promotions instead of them. One of you might realise you don’t like the other person anymore, and that’s where things can get really, really messy.

Don’t rush into a relationship without thinking about the aftermath. Unless you two are happy talking about when the boss sat on the photocopier at the Christmas party for the rest of your lives, you’ll probably find someone better. You might realise that, yes, it’s convenient to have a work buddy fuck buddy, but fuck buddy, it’s not working!


What happens when you end it? First off, everyone in the office will know. It won’t matter how much or little either of you say, people are going to start coming up to you both asking ‘what happened? You two were so cute together though, it’s such a shame.’ Everyone will pity you. Everyone will think no wonder he couldn’t satisfy Melissa; he couldn’t even satisfy those investors. For your sake, I’d make sure the breakup was mutual, because if not then you’re basically finished. If you broke her heart, you’ll be buried at your cubicle.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try it. Who cares, really. We’re all waiting to die anyway, so might as well have some fun. Just remember though; a relationship built on convenience can become the biggest inconvenience of all.

Maybe check what her sister looks like before you make any decisions.

#2018 #Opinion #Comedy

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